Searching the racks for a new outfit only to realize that the size that fit last time I went shopping didn’t fit anymore…I was at least one 
size bigger. And damned if I was going to try on 2 sizes bigger, I’d just squish myself into the one that almost fit, knowing that if I lost a few pounds it would be great.
And the one that actually fit now, well that would be a waste of money since I was going to lose weight right away.
After that trip, I’d head home, stop for take out and have some chips for dessert, so distraught that I had to buy something bigger, again. Tomorrow I’d say, tomorrow will be the day.
The next day would come as it always does and with it, a rush of motivation to finally do what I knew to do to lose weight. And then the evening of that very day would come. And with it all the tired, angry sadness that was always comforted by food.
That motivation? The feeling that promised hope and that this time, this last time, it would be different, where did it go so fast? Would it ever come back?
Sound familiar?
It was my story for the first decade of adulthood and was very quickly becoming more than just a sad tale. At a size 22 (wearing size 20 of course) it was becoming more of a health issue, more of a quality of life issue and something that I was desperate to change.
Motivation is this slippery thing that never feels like you have a good grip on, it comes and goes seemingly at will and you’re left feeling at the mercy of forces beyond your control.
This doesn’t have to be the case. Unlocking your motivation and it’s healthy partner: momentum, are not as mysterious as people lead you to believe, nor do they cost 3 equal payments of $39.95.
Motivation lives in all of us and when we find it, we create momentum to live better and learn to trust ourselves and expect more, demand more, than we ever have before.
You want to know what the secret to motivation is?
Keeping promises. Keeping promises not to our spouses or kids or friends, but to ourselves.
Remember that all too familiar shopping story? What I once looked at a depressing failure of my lack of willpower, I know see as something entirely different, it was my breaking little promises over time, consistently enough, that somewhere in the dark places in my mind, I knew that I won’t do it. I knew I wasn’t to be trusted.
It’s why I could never get excited about a new eating plan or exercise regime, I knew that I’d broken those promises to myself so many times that who was I to think I would be able to keep them now? Motivation – crushed.
Over time we teach ourselves (and our loved ones) that we’re not going to follow through, that we’re just not cut out for this. We learn to distrust ourselves and this does terrible, devastating things to our self-esteem. It keeps us from trying new things, reaching for what we want, it diminishes the amazing people we are, and the people we were destined to become.
Maybe you also do this in other areas of your life – do you call yourself a procrastinator always to end up putting things off and validating your opinion of yourself? I’ve learned to think of this more of a protection mechanism, our brains our simply trying to protect us but helping us to fulfill the opinions we already have of ourselves.
It’s time to change those opinions…
The Motivation Turnaround
Just as breaking promises to ourselves destroys our motivation – fortunately, the opposite is also true.
Keeping promises – even tiny little ones- creates trust in ourselves and builds motivation that we can do this.
It sounds too easy to be true, right? It’s not. In fact, it’s the simplest thing but it’s far from easy.
My first tiny promise to myself? Plan a day’s menu ahead of time and stick to it. Know how many days it took to manage to keep that promise? Five. Five days of trying and failing – in retrospect, I would start with an even smaller goal now but hind sight is what it is.
After that fifth day, I managed a feat I didn’t believe I was capable of – eating a healthy, filling well balanced day’s worth of food and
going to be content without being stuffed or starving. To a person who has never drowned themselves in food or preferred the comfort of French fries to friends, this may seem like a pretty small accomplishment. If you are like me, you know how amazing this feels.
More than just feeling good, it showed me something. It taught me that I can make a decision – even a hard one – and follow through. I can be trusted to treat myself well.
Each day that I made that menu and followed through on that promise I felt more empowered, more capable and the momentum grew.
Before I knew it, the choice was to exercise, maybe I could just do 10 minutes at night after the baby went to bed? That wasn’t so hard, was it? Sure enough, on the back of earlier promises kept, I trusted myself to follow through and knew that I would. And I did. That 10 minutes the first day seemed so small when I read about other people running marathons.
But that day, that very first day, those 10 minutes were my marathon.
That 10 minutes of sweat was a decade in the making and no less an accomplishment for me than the half marathon I ran 2 years later, in fact, I’d say it was harder.
The motivation lives in the promises you keep to yourself each day and are not undone by eating a piece of cake or missing a workout. With a history of trust in yourself that’s built over time, you begin to see those days and moments of unfavorable choices as exactly what they are – moments. And not what they once were – validation of failure.
What little promise can you make to yourself today? What tiny thing can you accomplish to show yourself you truly are able to make this change? Smaller is better, after all we’re not going for big drama here, we’re just learning to trust ourselves again – or maybe for the first time.
I know you can do this, I believe in you, now go do it!
About Rita Barry
Rita, I found this post to be so moving. When you described how holding on to your motivation is really hard, that so described me.
I have found motivation in the past, but I guess I just expected each motivating thought or action to be enough forever. But, no, face palm time, I have to put in daily, sometimes hourly, effort to keep myself motivated – I have to make myself remember each piece of motivation I’ve found and apply it to today. Then, I can build on the challenges I’ve met, as you’ve done.
Thanks again.
Gillian
Gillian recently posted..It Could Have Been Worse Is Not Good Enough
This is SO true. This is a fantastic post. Hits close to home for many, I’m sure. :)
Well said Rita!! I am on my 4th day of trying to change my routine and keeping my promise to myself. I found a way to try and still have time for my family…….I am loving it!
That is brilliant! If you need anything, resources, help, anything at all just email me. So happy for you Reina!